Love and Relationships: How Do I Know When to Let Go?

My boyfriend and I broke up when I was pregnant with his child. I saw him with another woman and in a moment of anger ended the relationship. But now that I have a child to care for, I think I may have been too jealous and regret my actions. I still think of him and go to places where we used to date hoping to see him again. I’d like to give him another chance and can’t let go of him. He knows that I bore his son, but he has never contacted me since the break-up over a year ago. And now, I sit alone at discos and other places where we used to go together, wishing to see him again and hoping for another chance.  Sometimes, I think I am stupid, but how do I know when to let him go?

Tonya (20, Iloilo)

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Tonya, I think the answer to your question is not to be found in your thoughts. Instead, I think the answer to your question is in what he is saying to you. Just think for a moment what he is saying to you when he knows that you are pregnant and has never said anything to you? What is he saying to you when he knows where you and your son live and never comes to the door? What is he saying to you when he knows your phone number and never calls?

I know you still love him, but I think his feelings for you should be very obvious. I think that if you “listen” to what he is saying to you, you will know when it is time to let go. You need to raise your son on reality, not empty dreams.

–Mike

There are a lot of women I know who are very emotionally attached to their man even if that man was someone who broke their hearts and caused them so much suffering. Trust me, I’ve had my share of such stupidity. But you should know that you would not want yourself or your son to settle for mediocrity. You deserve so much more than that “douche bag”. You cannot forget him because you still insist on remembering the sweet moments, the memorable times and places that you spent together, and the all the good qualities of his personality. But let me give you a slap of reality. The fact that he abandoned you should outweigh all the good stuff.  I know you are not able to forget or let go of him just like that, but be open to the process even if it’s slow. Invest your time in worthwhile things or things you’re passionate about. Focus on activities that you and your son can even share together. You have the rest of your life to live, so many people to meet, and so many positive possibilites to look forward to.  Why waste your time thinking of him or reminiscing empty moments and promises. The mere fact that you are asking when to let go should make you realize what you are already telling yourself.  I think we both know that the answer is: NOW.

– Apple

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