Sex and Intimacy: Faking Orgasms

I have been faking my orgasms with my boyfriend for a long time now.  When we make love I do not reach orgasm as often as I want to. I usually I fake my orgasm and then masturbate afterwards to be satisfied or I should say I get pissed off most of the time because of this. How should I address this?

Sarah (24,  Cebu)

Sarah, I believe that you are pressuring yourself between divulging this problem to your boyfriend or leaving it in secrecy so as to not hurt his feelings and make him feel incompetent. I believe that you should let him know, because most guys are unaware of their inadequacies unless you give them a dose of reality straight to their face. Almost all women have faked some of their orgasms. But if it is something which you are frequently doing, then obviously something is wrong.

I am sure that the reason that you do not reach orgasm is because there are things which he does not do or that you wish that he would do during the sexual act. This lack is what decreases the sexual pleasure for you. The two of you should be open about these types of needs with one another. Maybe, he also has his share of concerns and what if’s. By opening up to each other, you may discover each other’s inner thoughts and needs - and that might lead to a better sexual experience.

In a relaxed manner,  be very honest with him and describe your desires. Talk about your needs during foreplay and during the sexual act. Also, do not forget to point out the things which  pleases you as well. Since the two of you are willing to be physically naked with each other, I think it should be possible to be emotionally naked with one another as well. And this may help to make your relationship more open and satisfying.

– Apple

If you fake your orgasms, then you are telling your lover that his lovemaking is meeting your needs and encouraging him to perform more of the same in the future. If you must be angry, you need to be angry with yourself for constantly encouraging and rewarding him for being less than adequate for your needs.

If the problem is that he reaches orgasm too quickly, there are a number of things that can be done to delay his orgasm. This includes wearing a condom (I hope that he is doing this already), use of substances that slightly numb the male organ, slowing down when he is about to have an orgasm and controlling his thoughts to mentally to delay an orgasm.

If the problem is that you reach orgasm very slowly, there are a number of things that can be done to speed up your orgasm during the sex act. This includes more foreplay, using sexual positions that are more stimulating for you, and being aware of when he is about to have an orgasm and trying to control that by slowing down or applying pressure to prevent his orgasm. Do these things often enough and you may be able to “train” your lover to delay his orgasm.

If none of these things seem to work, then you also need to let go of the expectation that the two of you must achieve orgasm at the same time. If he reaches an orgasm first, then he can do many things to help you reach an orgasm. If you masturbate alone, you lose the intimacy of the sex act. It would be much better if you were able to reach orgasm through his actions even if it is not through regular sex.

 – Michael

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